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[Saturday, November 18th, 2006 at 11:28am] |
Japan is cold. Seriously.
Edit: I can see my breath. I CAN SEE IT.
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[Friday, September 15th, 2006 at 4:15pm] |
In... thirteen or so hours, I'll be on a flight to China, where I'll get lost and cry for a few hours, before hopping on another plane to Tokyo. Rock.
I've discovered that leaving an area forever gives you the wonderful opportunity to be rude as fuck to anyone, because you won't be there to see them again! Case in point: I was coming back from Swansea on the train a few days ago when a gaggle of girls beside me started telling AWFUL jokes that they didn't really understand (Van Gogh was painting outside a pub when Rembrandt walked by. "Fancy a drink?" he asked. "No thanks," replied Van Gogh, "I've got one 'ere." This was followed by silence and confused glances until one of the girls screamed, "Oh! EAR! AAHAHAHA"). I think you can all guess that I butted in...
Me: I have a joke.
Girls: Hehehehe, really?
Me: Yup. What do you call three idiots on a train?
Girls: We don't know, what do you call three idiots on a train?
Me: Let's see, what are your names?
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| With MSPaint I am unto GOD! |
[Monday, August 28th, 2006 at 9:01pm] |
Got bored, scribbled out some cute widdle animals, wanted to know if any of you would shell out some dough to wear them. Maybe I could get a few printed and flood Ebay with my awesome junk.
My favorite is the duck. :D
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| Twenty three days until Japan. |
[Thursday, August 24th, 2006 at 9:16pm] |
Heeeee. Adam is wearing a dress. (He's the one with the most bland kimono and black hair. And why is there a PHONE tucked into it?)
The prospect of living in Sendai is really starting to put a downer on working in a shitty games store where the assistant manager beats up another member of staff, gets put on probation, and I have to cover shifts. Phooey.
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[Tuesday, August 1st, 2006 at 9:41pm] |
Boyfriend is in Japan RIGHT NOW. A huge hotel in Shinjuku, to be exact. I am furiously jealous, obviously, however tomorrow he will be catching the train to Sendai where he'll be setting up our flat and raiding the hundred yen stores for all sorts of appliances we don't really want or need. I assume I'll find him eating rotten sushi, out of a shoe, with a cottonbud when I arrive. But that won't matter right? "BECAUSE LOOK AT THIS AWESOME PEN-TOWEL-KNIFE THAT FEEDS THE CAT WE DON'T OWN WHEN WE'RE ON A HOLIDAY WE CAN'T AFFORD TO TAKE!"
Roll on the 16th of September.
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| Anyone? |
[Wednesday, May 17th, 2006 at 9:48pm] |
Um. Has anyone ever been to Sendai City, Miyagi? Because I'm going to be living there for a year come September. Is it nice there, or will I get shanked by some cute school girl in stockings and a sailor suit? Just thought I should check.
Imagine I said something witty, too.
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[Wednesday, March 8th, 2006 at 1:32pm] |
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Applied for a job in a sex shop. Awaiting results. By the end of this week, I should be shouting, "Hey! HEY! You there, guy in the street! Do you wanna buy some PORN?! Then come on in!"
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| Geeks. |
[Friday, September 9th, 2005 at 8:12am] |
At work, yesterday:
Lady, to her young child: Logan, stop touching that, please.
Me: Cool! Your kid's Wolverine.
Lady: ...?
Rest of the store: ...?
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| That is BRAND NEW information! |
[Friday, September 2nd, 2005 at 2:35pm] |
I found a shimmery green blanket in the stock room today. So, after carefully carrying it out to the cash register, I wrapped it around my legs and flopped around on the floor shouting, "Look, look! I'm a mermaid!"
I love it when my manager takes the day off.
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| As promised. |
[Monday, August 29th, 2005 at 9:24pm] |
It's time for those hard-rocking amigos, Rammstein, and the most impressive gig I have ever laid witness to in my short nineteen years.
( Sind Sie felsen bereit? )
I must remember to bring a dingy to my next gig.
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[Wednesday, August 24th, 2005 at 2:19pm] |
Traboopaline!
Trambopaline!
Tromonampoline!
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| ... |
[Sunday, August 14th, 2005 at 12:34pm] |
I haad my thongue pierthed a phew dayth ago, and it hath phelt like thomeone hath been hitting it with a hammer ever thince. But thwollen mouth and thpeech impediment athide, it hath brought the total amount I've thpent on phace mutilation to £140.
My head ith tho rich.
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| I should be in the kitchen! |
[Friday, July 29th, 2005 at 10:20am] |
It's 10:20am and I've finished cleaning our flat. The floor is spotless, the cupboards scrubbed and re-arranged, the dishes cleaned and dried, clothes have been washed, folded and ironed, the bathroom is sparkling like a Mr. Muscle advert, and now I am about to put on a frilly apron, a puffy skirt, and bake a cake. A cake filled with AWESOME.
When Adam gets home I'm going to fetch his slippers, his newspaper and bubble pipe, then let him beat me.
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| I love talking to strangers in my local pub. |
[Thursday, July 28th, 2005 at 4:27pm] |
Table full of drunk women: SEX, THONGS, MEN, HAIR STYLES, BLOWJOBS.
Myself, and a few friends: *gradually halting conversation to listen in*
Girl 1: I love to give head. It's just as exciting for me as it is for my boyfriend.
Girl 2: Why?! I don't understand why anyone would want to do that, it's disgusting!
Me, gently leaning closer to the table and into the conversation: Yeah, women who give blowjobs are fucked in the head...
Oh. To the people that have added me recently, hi.
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| It's started. |
[Friday, July 22nd, 2005 at 6:01pm] |
Five days into my new job and the worried glances have begun.
Ann: Why are you carrying that tray on your back?
Me: I'm a Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle!
Ann: ...
I admit there was a vain hope that she would ask which one.
I was Raphael.
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| She masticated in public. |
[Sunday, July 10th, 2005 at 2:15pm] |
Some people just get me.
Me: My MP3 player is working again.
Adam: I thought you said it was beyond fucked?
Me: Well, to put it bluntly, I used a subtle blend of my technological and scientific expertise, and introduced an organic substance to its structural integrity.
Adam: So you punched it.
Me: Really, really hard. :D
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| I was built with a hog of genius. |
[Friday, July 1st, 2005 at 1:37pm] |
On Monday I'll be close enough to Trent Reznor to suck him. Of course I won't because, well, anything that Courtney Love has touched needs to be thrown directly into a blast furnace, which then has to be hit with a neutron bomb, and promptly propelled into the outer regions of space and, preferably, time.
And I have a boyfriend.
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| I LIKE TO SURVIVE ON FIRE! |
[Wednesday, June 29th, 2005 at 10:48pm] |
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It's been raining nearly all day... outside smells like snails...
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raffish's journal
